"it" just moved
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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