I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
