White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
