I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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