it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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