We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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