I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
