What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
