I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
