Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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