my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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