I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize