I CAN MOONWALK!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
