Nicole vs. Life
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
