my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
