And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
