There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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