it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
