creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
