Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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