Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
