for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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