Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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