Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
