I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
