Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
nutella sex= disaster
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
