I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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