As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
