i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize