Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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