it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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