the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
did i just pee glitter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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