She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
