Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
