Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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