Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
