I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
