my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
