I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
