Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
