I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
