If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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