And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
