i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
