The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
