we have officially lost it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
