I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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