I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
