Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
