Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
