I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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