dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize