I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
