singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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