i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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