May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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