I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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