For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
