WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize