Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
