I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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