The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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