I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So here I am, sexting at work.
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