Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
