Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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