Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
