U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
