make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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