quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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