He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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