you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
