I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
