Already got asked if we're dating
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
