Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
